perspicacious.org

It's Sunday, warmer than it has been, and lazy. I think we meant to be productive today, but such plans often go awry when there are newspapers to read, breakfasts to eat and naps to take.

It's been so beautiful out lately, especially now that the days are a little longer. The shadows aren't quite so long now, but the light is still slanted through the trees in the way that it is in the deep of winter, and the world is all white and pink and soft gray. I trooped though the snow with the first graders on Friday, and let them talk me into going down the slide and on the swings. It's hard to maneuver in all of that gear– my snowpants are tight enough to keep me from really raising my legs, my boots are heavy, and my hands are useless in my mittens. At 6 they have more practice in dealing with all of these accessories than I do.

R is reading, at a pace that will soon lead to her finishing her book and starting on another. I hope for her sake that her amazon.com order arrives soon. Fat chance of that, since it's being sent media rate and is likely lost somewhere in a warehouse in Tennessee.

We've been riding to school together a lot, now that I have a regular schedule that roughly coincides with hers. She drives, mostly, because I'm a terrible driver who can't back up or turn corners and my tires scritch for traction on the icy roads. I like riding with her better, anyway. Her car is warm and the radio works and I always feel safe. Even when it's icy and slick or thick with pea soup ice fog I feel safe with her.

It's funny how our lives have meshed so tightly together, until I'm not sure where one ends and the other begins. I think that's because it's "ours," a word I had little experience with until now. I never realized how lonely I had been until I became a part of us. Now that I have it I couldn't imagine living any other way. Isn't it funny, in the heart of me I always thought I'd end up alone. I think maybe I could have been alright like that. But I could never have been complete.

And so, my love, even when we're angry, or tired, or disappointed in one another, you are the thing that makes me tick. You are the piece of me that I was missing, even when I didn't know it. You are the one who makes me feel safe and comfortable and warm. I love you.

This is what I woke up to this morning. So far as I know there's still school today. However, we will not be having outside recess.

The furnace went off the other day and, being fairly inept at fixing things and not about to call someone at 11:00PM, we spent a cold night under the down comforter and tossed our clothes into the dryer to warm up in the morning. I think it was about 45 degrees in here– thank goodness it was 15 degrees out and not -30. Wouldn't you know it, all we had to do was punch the reset button and the furnace sprang back to life immediately, rumbling and shuddering. It took all day for the apartment to heat back up, but we have wonderfully cushy radiant floor heating, and it's usually quite nice in here.

Now things are back to normal and I'm wasting the last day of vacation all drugged up on Benadryl. I woke up this morning with a mysterious rash on my arms. No idea where it might have come from, though R thinks it might be fifths disease, a strange virus that causes a rash and fever.

Off to my new job on Tuesday– tomorrow is an inservice day for teachers. I don't know where I'll be placed yet. It may be a surprise come Tuesday morning. That will mean lugging all of my substitute accoutrements– hard candies, Mad Libs, winter gear, my lunch, general paperwork… If I know what grade level I'll be at I can bring things that are age appropriate, but if not I just pack everything. I have a big bag.

I'm almost hoping to do outside duty at school because it's snowed an unbelievable amount in the past week– at least a foot. R's truck got stuck at the edge of the driveway– the plows come by and do the street, creating an snow shelf at the edge of each driveway. We called a couple of plow services, but ended up taking advantage of R's dad's offer to snowblow the whole driveway. Which took like 2 hours.

Anyway, much fun should be had by the children when they try to wade through the ocean of new powder that's out there. I'd go play today, but it's already dropping down below zero. And I'd rather read and drink hot chocolate, anyway.

2004 in 20 words:

darkness turned to sunshine, moved in, successful directorship, found a kitten, worked long hours, made many things, satisfyingly busy. loved.

2004 has been about settling here and really spreading out and becoming part of the place. I can't believe how many people and places I know, how at home I am with the cold and the darkness and the very…strangeness of Fairbanks. This feels like the place I'm supposed to be, and the life I am supposed to lead. For cetain I was meant to be here in this little home with R on one side and Finnegan the kitten on the other. Who knew that you could set off one day and end up where you were supposed to be all along?

[2003's summary]
[2002's summary]