perspicacious.org

It was 3 below last night, which explains the impossible-to-remove frost on my windshield when I got off of work. There was just enough moisture in the air for the frost to re-form just as soon as I scraped it off. I ended up driving home with a foot square viewing window to see out of. That's all I needed, really.

I worked the terrifying 8 1/2 hour shift yesterday, where people came in frantically looking for missing components to their Halloween costumes. The 8 1/2 hour shift requires you to be at work for 8 1/2 hours, but you only get paid for 8 because of a 1/2 hour lunch. Sneaky, I think. I meant to make a "please humor me, I have laryngitis" sign to wear around my neck, but I forgot. I got lots of weird looks from customers, and some well-meaning suggestions about lost voice cures. I will have to let you know if rosehip tea with honey or spicy food (i.e. a spoonful of horseradish, as if) do anything for my voice.

I was going to dress up yesterday, but I thought I could better plead my "I'm sick and pathetic, please send me home" case without a costume. I wired bobby pins onto miniature rubber snakes for a Medusa hairdo. Should I wear them today? Um, maybe. Or maybe not.

Happy Halloween!

Rumors that I may have hit the mailbox are completely unfounded. Really. The fact that the mailbox door won't quite shut and sticks off at an odd angle, coupled with the off-white stripe of paint along the side of the van, are just strange coincidences.

I'm home with the mysterious reoccurring lost voice. I feel pretty OK, but subbing seems like a bad idea since I can't, you know, talk. I graveled and scratched through second grade yesterday (I'd originally been scheduled for a speech and hearing class, which seems ironic given the circumstances). The second grade class was pretty OK, but I was a little rough with them because of my scratchy voice and the fact that I felt like crap. Nobody tells you that second graders are impossible to sub for. They freak out if you do things differently from their regular teacher. Then I stuffed myself full of a 16 oz latte, alka seltzer plus cold medicine and Advil and went on to the fabric store. Blegh.

The kitten has learned how to jump on top of desks and tables and shelves and, oh my. It's like having a very bitey toddler. We've been spraying him with vinegar water because regular water has no effect on him, the freak. He's still into everything, but now he stinks, and he flinches whenever you get out the spray bottle. I plan to follow this same behavior modification plan with my own children. Though it isn't really working on the cat so I don't know why I would bother. He did get his first teal green collar and purple tag a few days ago, and now he looks very cute (and ever so slightly effeminate). We should probably get a different colored tag.

Enough whining "poor me I'm sick" and "the cat is very cute, but irritating" stories. I wouldn't want to drive my fan base (ha!) away.

So, I found this fantastic article over at adventure journalist and had to share it with you. Remember pathetic perennial candidate Alan Keyes? Well, I didn't really either, except for a faint memory of making fun of him during the 2000 presidential campaign. Here's the article:

Alan Keyes says incest "inevitable" for children of gays

His logic: Children of gay couples can't ever really know their own parentage and thus stand the chance of meeting and possibly doing bad, bad things with their blood relatives. Fine, I suppose that's possible. But, it would also be true for adopted children and children of those women on the Maury Povich show who don't know who their baby's daddy is. And there are plenty of gay couples with children who know exactly who both parents of their child is. (I could use Melissa Etheridge as an example, but I should leave her alone because she's got cancer and who wants to think about David Crosby like that anyway. Ewwww.)

Making Alan Keyes sound silly is almost too easy. I did some digging for good Alan Keyes quotes. (I thought he was the one who called Rage Against the Machine "The Machine Rages On" and labeled them anti-family and pro-terrorist, but it turns out that was Gary Bauer.) Anyway, here's Alan Keyes on homosexuality:

"Hitler and his supporters were Satanists and homosexuals. That’s just a true statement." He added that, "The notion that is involved in homosexuality, the unbridled sort of satisfaction of human passions" leads to "'totalitarianism,' 'Nazism,' and 'communism.'" (More quotes here.)

I also found out that he has a gay daughter. Which certainly makes things interesting. Also, why am I not surprised? Just another day of hypocrisy on the republican campaign trail.

First big, sticking around type snowfall of the year, and the roads are a disaster. I haven't had my snow tires installed yet (who has?) and I found myself putting on the snow cables at 7:00am yesterday. I'd never driven with snow cables before and didn't know they would be so irritating, rattling around and smacking against the wheel well and such. I slipped all the way home as nobody had thought to gravel or plow and the snow had melted and refrozen over the course of the day. I skidded more than once and even had the utterly terrifying Alaskan experience of getting caught in a skid and turning all the way around to face oncoming traffic. The road was pretty clear and I made it home OK, but I would prefer not to do that again.

After I was able to breathe again I shoveled our driveway and, holy cow, you have no idea how big your driveway is until you have to shovel it. I invested in the $12 cheapie plastic snow shovel last year, when I had a landlord who came by to plow. Now I think it's time for one of those fun plow-type shovels. Or a plow service?

I skidded into a first grade classroom yesterday, at a school where the children have names like Braedyn and Bunni and, alas, Sherwood W. III. Poor thing. Sherwood is enough of a name to handle without the suffix. And he was enough to handle, too, banging his fists on his desk, talking incessantly, arguing with all of his friends and laughing obnoxiously in that only funny to six year olds way. I love how five and six year olds start developing a sense of humor, and understand about comedic timing and cadence, but still can't quite tell jokes. They can laugh uproariously when I trip over electrical cords, though. Still, with a firm grip on SW III and his friend the bowl cut tubby the day went pretty smoothly. (The secret is in candy and stickers, if you're wondering.)

Other subbing mishaps:
-5th grader swears at me and then scribbles "I hate substitutes" all over his paper during an art lesson. I was vindicated when his mother bawled him out in front of me at the end of the day.
-3rd grader refuses to play around the world, and says "Never" repeatedly in a demonic 8 year old voice when I ask. He rethought after I threatened the principal's office, but it was too late by then.
-Other 3rd grader throws a huge fit when I hold him in at recess to complete his missing homework. Starts shaking and turning red, and snaps his pencil so that it slices the palm of his hand open.

That's the best of it so far, but my friends who have subbed have much better stories than I do. So things can only get better.

Our anniversary last week was really fun, except for the terrifying cabin with doors that wouldn't lock, things banging around in the middle of the night, the magic deflating airbed and a woodstove that wouldn't light and wouldn't light and then nearly suffocated us with the heat. We came back early. I did get a chance to give R the super fun pajama pants I made, a hideous fleece hat and mittens (purple with fruit printed on them), baby scrapbook that made me half crazy before I finished with it (so small! so much detail!) and some other nonsense. I got Buffy the Vampire Slayer season five, some super comfy undies and power of attorney. Don't tell her I got the better deal. There, and just in general.

Sporadically subbing, occasionally sewing and generally lazing about. On the surface the lazing about life seems like a good thing, but it's tedious and boring and the cat keeps attacking me and I really need the sub caller to be more consistent, please.

I did make the most beautiful bag today. It's just gorgeous, much better than the thing that's supposed to go inside it. I could elaborate, but then R would know. I am terrible about keeping secrets from her. She claims to not like surprises, but I would like to do something that she doesn't expect. I'm giving it my best shot, but I think she will still probably not be surprised. Ah, well. I'll post some pictures after this weekend, so that you can have a better idea what I'm talking about. As for her, she's apparently off to errands unknown this afternoon. I don't know what she's planning, just that she's shopping and them making something. Fun! I hope it involves pipe cleaners and jingle bells. Just kidding.

The weather's been nice this week, in the 40's and 50's most days. Today the forecast is for snow turning into rain, but I don't see any of that yet. I hope that it doesn't rain and then freeze overnight. It would be nice to have an ice day. (No school cancellations for snow and cold around here, when would it be cold and snowy enough? Ice will do it, though.) But I don't think I can afford to stay home again. I'm poor, but I do have a nice cat playmate (when he's not attacking me,) and a love. Which should be enough to live on, right? OK, OK, income is good, too.