perspicacious.org

Somehow the music always seems to find me. I don't look for it. It sneaks up on me in moments of silence to create that eyes closed, fingers drumming on the desk, head tilted rapture. I don't know how else to explain it, other than to say it's like breathing. Really wonderful music awakens this feeling in the center of my chest, like coming up from under water and feeling the crispness of the air against my skin. When people ask which sense I'd lose if I had to lose one I always say sight. I think I could live in a world without light. But I couldn't live in a world without music, without speech.

I was drawn today to deep reds and purples, to soft pinks. Winter colors to me are soft and muted. I'm not really a red or an orange person. I'm charcoal gray, deep blue, burgundy. I'm water and evergreens. I'm touch and hearing.

Or I'm incoherent. Take your pick.

Thanksgiving…isn't it exactly the same every year? Dad watches football, Mom grumbles about doing all of the work, I attempt to mediate between them. This year I helped my dad with the car and my mom with the cooking. I set a table that would have impressed Martha Stewart. But she would have ridiculed me anyway, since she's just that kind of person. Whatever. The turkey was quite nice, but turkey is turkey. It's hard to mess up. I know, I cooked one myself once and managed to not screw it up. (Stir fry is really the only thing I make on a regular basis. I do like to cook, but the opportunity to make a turkey rarely comes up more than, you know, once a year.) I didn't stuff it, and nobody got sick. You know they have these little buttons that pop up when the turkey is cooked? Cool, huh?

All in all, not bad. I'm going to brave the mall tomorrow and get started on Christmas presents. Any requests? Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks for reading this drivel.

I slept pretty late today, waking periodically to look at the clock and think about what my kids are doing. This happens to me every time I take a sick day. It's completely egotistical, but I just can't believe I'm letting someone else do my job. I mean, how could they ever do it as well as I do? Another reason to just "give it up." I did leave ridiculously complicated notes for the sub (Mary Lou, she's subbed for me before and she always does just fine,) and the day was really pretty straightforward. I'm sure it went perfectly smoothly and I won't find any notes about the kids' behavior on my desk when I go back to work.

I'm so happy for a long weekend. I hope that everyone has someplace relaxing and comfortable to go. Have a restful Thanksgiving. I'll be thinking about you.

I lost my voice today–utterly and completely. I croaked my way through the day, but I am taking tomorrow off. It's a half day, and there's a mass, so I won't be missing much. I still feel guilty as hell (almost wrote "heel") about it, but I can't teach like this. It's too hard. However, the kids were really good today. They were really quiet and they followed the my squeaky, pantomimed directions. When I did the finger-around-the-ear thing to tell D I think she's crazy she said, "Well you're a mime!" and did an exaggerated mime act. I tried not to laugh, but I couldn't help it. She's my secret favorite.

I finally finished grading their essay tests over the Revolutionary War. They weren't too bad. Someone wrote that Jefferson was a virgin, instead of Virginian. Ha ha! I think that recent discoveries would negate that.

I wonder that I don't try to exert too much control over, well, everything. It should be obvious to me that things are best when I just let go. Someone told me today to just "give it up." That's Catholic speak for, "Let God handle it." I don't know that I believe in a higher power, and I'm sure I don't believe in a Catholic one, but it can't hurt for me to just let go. As much as I claim to believe in serendipity I rarely let it work for me.

I got an email from my dad. It looks like we'll be in San Francisco at Christmas. It will be lovely.