perspicacious.org

have been on the computer doing one thing or another since I got back into town at 4:30 this afternoon. My curriculum unit and observation 4 are both due tomorrow. The curriculum unit needed a lot of revision, so even though I did some of it up in Albuquerque I still had a lot to do. I hate that I always have work due after Thanksgiving. Like it's not enough pressure to have to be at home with the family, I also have to worry about what work is due. Blegh.

Thanksgiving was really pretty good. We had an actual dining room table for the first time ever. We also had linen tablecloths and napkins, but that is pretty much where the formality stopped. My Mom wore her sweatpants. Everyone else was in jeans. We told dirty jokes. My uncle said that it was the lowest "pucker-factor" Thanksgiving he'd ever had. You'll have to ask him just what that means.

Geez, Titanic is on in the background, and it is really distracting. pause Sorry, I had to go mute it. It was either that or listen to the sounds of the boat sinking. No thanks, I've seen it.

Phew, thank goodness I have the rest of the week off. I survived the 3 weeks of lead teaching more or less unscathed. It was difficult, though. This week I handed science and math back to my cooperating teacher on a (metaphorical) silver platter. I grimaced my way through her first math lesson of the year. She brought in chocolate bars for all of the kids, and broke them apart to demonstrate fractions. Cool idea, but some of the things she said were a little confusing. I guess it's only fair that I not judge her until she's a had a couple of weeks to get back into the swing of things. She's still been out of the room a lot. I'm not sure where she goes, but there's always a fresh pot of coffee in the lounge, along with a nice comfy couch and some magazines, so you do the math.

The semester is flitting away day by day, like so many leaves carried away in the breeze. (I'm allowed a little cheese once in a while, so lay off, OK?) I have two more weeks of student teaching, and then I'm out of here. In more ways than one. I feel slightly more secure about next semester, but I'm still apprehensive about the future. My plan for the coming few months is this (subject to change, of course)– I will move back up to Albuquerque at the end of December, and occupy my grandparent's house for a couple of months. It's unoccupied and furnished, (and free), and my being there may be an incentive for us to clear the place out and get it on the market. I will sub for the spring semester, put some feelers out and look for a good job starting in the fall. I also want to be a camp counselor again next summer. All of these carefully, (OK, in a flourish but with relief,) laid plans will probably go astray somewhere, but, God, at least I have a plan now.

The apprehension that I felt about the coming year has dissipated some, but I am still worried about the big stuff. i.e. What if I completely hate teaching and end up feeling like I have wasted the last 5 years of my life? What if I start teaching and don't think that I'm an effective teacher? What if I can never find the one thing in life that fulfills me? What f there isn't one thing in life that fulfills me? What if I keep grinding my way through life and I never find any way to make a difference? etc. etc. etc. I think I may have driven my coworkers crazy today talking about this stuff. All of these emotions get tangled up inside of me until I'm not sure how I feel about anything. I've been looking forward to graduating for so long, and now I'm almost there, and I'm terrified. I hope that all of the work that I have done has been worth it. I want to go back and start over, go back to being 18 and experience all of this again. I'm not ready for it to be over. I'm not ready to be an adult. At the same time I am ready for this particular experience to be over, but the feeling of not really knowing where I want to go next is a little overwhelming.

I'm not sure where these emotions stem from, but every once in a while they bubble up inside of me and overwhelm me. I think that everyday life has a way of squelching this kind of introspection, but sometimes it boils over. Sometimes I'm grateful for it, because I can use writing as a catharsis, and sometimes, just sometimes, good things come out of my fingertips. It's odd too, because really cathartic writing is usually so exhausting that I don't remember afterward what I have written. It's always a surprise to look back on those entries. Sort of a window into the past.

Hey, another exciting Saturday at home. Yesterday was the day from hell (Mephistopheles was literally breathing fire down my neck all day,) but at least it's over now. I don't know that I can take too many more days like yesterday. Thanks God it was a Friday. I had a migraine on Thursday night, so I went to bed early. I felt OK when I got up on Friday morning, until I went outside and the sun was in my eyes. I started to feel that "the sun isn't usually this bright, is it?" feeling, and it just went downhill from there. The kids were hyper because it was Friday, and even more so because of this science demonstration we had. A bunch of high school physics students came and did demonstrations in the cafeteria. The kids loved it, and it was pretty cool. They also shot off a water rocket out on the field, which was cool too. Unfortunately it became impossible to get the kids even remotely quiet. Two of my best students were being just awful. I made it to about 1:30, and then I told Linda I had to go home, that I just couldn't take it anymore. I came home and took a nap, and I felt OK by about 4. I went to the Maxima meeting at 4:30, and then I came home and went to bed.

I know that I was tired from a busy week, staying up late watching election news, etc. Now I guess I know the price I'll pay if I keep staying up late. Other than yesterday the week was really pretty good. My university supervisor and professor came and videotaped a science lesson on Thursday. The lesson went pretty well. I have been trying and trying and trying to illustrate the concept of density, but to no avail. (Well, to some avail.) Thursday's lesson was about water density, and we worked with hot, cold and salty water. (This should tie into our next unit on oceanography.) I think it was a fun lesson, but I don't know that the kids have a better grasp of the concept. I guess we'll find out.

Next week I am going to teach the coral reefs unit. I may have to devote another period to teaching science, or I will not have the entire unit (5 lessons) taught by Thanksgiving. The final copy of the unit is due on the Monday after Thanksgiving. I really like all of the lessons I've written, and I feel pretty confident that they will go well. I really like teaching science, and for the most part it has been pretty easy. I just let the kids go (with some guidance, of course,) and figure things out for themselves. It seems to be working.

I have been having so much fun writing my webpages, I almost don't care if anyone reads them. Well, I do care a little, so if you are here reading this you should check out my other stuff. You've managed to read this entire entry without falling asleep, so why not read the rest? Just a thought.

OK, I know I should probably be asleep right now, and I am going to regret this tomorrow morning, but oh well. I spent a lot of time today with the news in the background listening to the election (NM voted democrat, yay.) Meanwhile I updated my ever-growing webpage and made some changes to the format. I suppose if you are reading this you already know about the changes to the format. I even wrote my own html (some.) It was easier than I thought it would be.

I am posting this message to ask you, (yes YOU) to read my pitas page (click the my pitas page link,) and sign my guestbook (click the guestbook link.) It would be pretty lame to have my trial entry be the only entry in the guestbook. After all, what is the information age if we don't all share some information. So read my stuff and write in my guestbook. Tell me it sucks, whatever, just give me some feedback. (I have the power to delete your entries if you say bad things about me.) [Note: links have changed since this page has been archived.]

I guess this thing is supposed to be for writing about student teaching, but there's nothing to say about today because it was parent teacher conference day. I got a lot of grading done. That's about it.

I'm sorry that I haven't written recently. I have been lead teaching since last week, and it's been hectic. I come home exhausted every night, and sometimes it takes enough out of me just to sit down and do all of my grading. Grading is like laundry. You can put it off, but eventually there is a huge pile of it, and you have no choice but to devote an entire afternoon to it. Speaking of choice, I am pretty happy that the election is almost over. Who knew that New Mexico would turn out to be a swing state? I hope that we don't vote for Bush. That would make me sad/frustrated/etc. But I guess my only option here is to go out and vote tomorrow. That being my right as a democratic citizen over 18 who has not committed a felony.

Lead teaching has been going OK. I wasn't particularly apprehensive about last week. It did turn out to be a little hectic, what with Halloween and all, but I was expecting that. The most successful thing was probably the literature web. I read the kids a story about a little girl who immigrates to the United States, and they spent the rest of the week working on art, music, drama, and writing activities about immigration alone and in groups. I got (most of) the webs in today, and there were some really great and creative responses. There were also some incomplete and poorly done portfolios, but for the most part I was pretty impressed with their work. Now I have beaucoup grading to do (and laundry for that matter,) but tomorrow is parent teacher conference day, and I will have some spare time.

I am not sure exactly what my role will be during the conferences. My cooperating teacher seems to want to take care of everything herself, though I will be present for the conferences. I may just have ample time to do my grading, which is fine with me. I think that just being there will give me enough of an idea of how to run a conference. Our parents, who were so good about coming to open house, did not respond well when we sent out notices for conferences. Of course, the kids who really need conferences didn't return their sheets. I think that my cooperating teacher stayed after and made several phone calls.

I started a new seating arrangement today. We had been in rows, and it was driving me crazy trying to do any kind of group work. Today I put the kids into cooperative groups, and it was pretty crazy. They always go a little nuts whenever we try something new, and the new seating arrangement coupled with the cold, gloomy weather made them little lunatics howling at the moon. Well, not really, but they sure were talkative. I hope that they can learn to settle down, or I may have to put them back in rows, which I would hate. (The fact that the desks are closer together has also given us a lot more floor space, which is nice.)

I am lead teaching for the rest of this week and next week. I have a lot of stuff planned– I just hope that I will be able to squeeze it all in. We're starting on oceanography, and my cool coral reefs unit will be next week. We're also doing immigration through this week in social studies. Other than that there's not too much going on. Actually, who am I kidding, there's tons of stuff going on. The day just sucks the energy right out of me, so much that I have to come home and put on my pajamas at 6PM. You know those days.